watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
