I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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