Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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