hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
