so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
