So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
