kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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