well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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