I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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