he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.