I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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