I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
