If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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