worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
