Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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