I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
