...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
