At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
