How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
