you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
