U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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