Whatcha textin bout Willis?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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