mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
