when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
