I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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