I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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