All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
