He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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