Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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