Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
