I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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