things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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