I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
