His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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