I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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