Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
