I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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