just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
