I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
