Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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