Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have post one night stand depression
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
