id be glad to
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
