her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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