I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
