Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
