True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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