Heybabeimwearingurpanties
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
