Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
