Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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