It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
