I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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