Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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