Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
