Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
