No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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