your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
