I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
