and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
