Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
