What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
