i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I forget how to act sober
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
