the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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