I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Semen is not good for contacts.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
