the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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