So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
