Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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