i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
