His pubic hair was longer than his dick
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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