why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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