I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
