My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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