So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
