I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
