So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
