You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
